CHAPTER FOUR
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Let's Talk About Sex and Relationships

Where do expectations about relationships come from and why does there seem to be such a difference between what men and women want?

Society often places unfair expectations on men and women to behave in certain ways. Some of these expectations contribute to sex role stereotypes, poor communication and the mixed messages that occur when a person's verbal and nonverbal behavior is interpreted incorrectly.

Some examples of these expectations include:

"Men/Guys are taught that it is their responsibility to be in control and take the initiative and girls/women are taught that it is not feminine to be assertive and say what is on their mind."

Because guys have been socialized to take charge and have control over a situation, they may think they need to take charge and initiate sex. Because girls have been socialized not to be assertive, they can find it hard to say what's on their mind such as "I'm not ready to have sex" or "no."

"Men/Guys need to have sex and don't have control over their sexual urges." 

The bottom line is - nobody needs to have sex and everybody has control over their sexual urges. Sex can be a very enjoyable part of a relationship, but only when it is a mutual decision for both partners.

"Girls/Women should only allow a man/guy to go 'so far' sexually." 

There are so many derogatory labels used to describe women who are sexually active. The truth of the matter is that both men and women can equally derive pleasure from sex and both have the right to make decisions about who they would like to have sex with, how often and what type of sexual activity they want to participate in.

"Men/Guys need to be sexually experienced in order to be considered a man." 

Being considered a man means knowing what is right for you, acting responsibly and being respectful of other's feelings and wishes.

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Chapter One  •  Chapter Two  •  Chapter Three  •  Chapter Four  •  Chapter Five  •  Chapter Six  •  Chapter Seven  •  Chapter Eight  •  Sexual Assault Centers  •  Domestic Violence Projects  •  Table of Contents