CHAPTER FOUR
Page 1   Page 2  Page 3  Page 4
Let's Talk About Sex and Relationships

So how do I know what is right for me?

Explore your feelings about sex, know your limits and communicate. Knowing where you are about sex before being faced with this decision by someone else may help you be clear with your partner.

Give some thought about what sexual activity(s) you are comfortable with.

Think about your expectations and how you will express them to your partner. It's your body and no one has the right to force you to do anything you do not want to do.

If you are the one initiating the sexual activity, ask your partner if it is okay to proceed. 

For example you could say "I would really like to touch you there, is that okay?" If your partner says no or is unsure, you should stop. This indicates that the two of you should talk about what you want from the relationship.

Communication works. 

It means listening as well as telling. Talk to your partner to express your expectations learn theirs. From there you can determine what expectations you have as a couple and whether or not you are a good match. Always remember:

Even if you and your partner have not had the chance to discuss what both of your expectations are, you always have the right to ask your partner to stop. 

If you don't want someone to touch or kiss you, for example, you might say, "Don't touch me" or "If you don't respect my wishes right now, I'm leaving."

Stopping sexual activity doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you, or that you are not a "real" woman or man. Wanting to be with someone sexually is not wrong either. What this means is that respect, trust and consent need to be part of the decision.

If your partner says "no" or is unsure, this indicates that you should talk about what each of you want from the relationship.

Listen to your intuition. If you are feeling uncomfortable in a situation or are feeling that your advances are not welcome, STOP and convey this message clearly to your partner. When you do this, both of you can decide whether or not to continue.

Listen to and respect your partner's limits. No always means NO. Always get a "yes" before proceeding, especially when you are unsure. If your partner does not consent to a sexual act and you continue against their wishes, this is a rape and it is a crime.

This sounds like a lot of work! Is it worth it?

YES!! CLEARLY AND CONFIDENTLY EXPRESSING YOUR NEEDS, EXPECTATIONS, LIMITS AND WISHES HAS MANY BENEFITS:

• You will feel understood and respected as a person.
• You will learn new things about yourself and your partner.
• Your relationship will be more fulfilling when decisions about sex are made together.

Page 1  Page 2  Page 3  Page 4

Chapter One  •  Chapter Two  •  Chapter Three  •  Chapter Four  •  Chapter Five  •  Chapter Six  •  Chapter Seven  •  Chapter Eight  •  Sexual Assault Centers  •  Domestic Violence Projects  •  Table of Contents