Believing them - Make it clear that you believe her/him and that
the assault is the fault of the attacker, not her/him.
Remaining calm - Although you may feel anger or shock, try not
to share these feelings with the victim. To be there for this person, you
must remain calm and focused.
Encouraging medical attention - The victim may be suffering
internal injures that are not noticeable. Encourage her/him to go to an
emergency room. A medical exam can also provide valuable evidence if they
decide to report to the police.
Allowing them control - The victim most likely feels powerless.
It is important, even early on, that the victim begins to regain control,
to make choices. Be careful not to over protect or make decisions for
them.
Maintaining confidentiality - The victim has come to you because
they trust you. Let her/him decide who else should know.
Allowing them to express their feelings - Allow the victim to
yell, scream or cry as long as she/he is not physically harming
her/himself or others. Remember the victim is yelling at the situation,
not you. It is important to know that there is no typical reaction to
being raped. Reactions can range form extreme sadness and crying to anger
and even no apparent reaction at all.
Listening - Don't downplay the experience or try to force the
victim to talk if he/she doesn't want to.
Encouraging counseling - Give the victim the number for the
nearest sexual assault center.
Asking before touching them - You may want to hold and comfort
the person, but they might be terrified of any touch - even from a loved
one. This is natural and you should respect their wishes. It you ask
before you offer a comforting touch, you will allow them to take back some
control over the situation and over her/his body.
Seeking counseling for yourself - Sexual violence can be a
damaging experience for all involved. While you can help the victim, do
not expect the victim to help you through this. Your sexual assault center
is there to listen to you too and help you find the support and resources
to get through this experience.
